This is Lukas Timothy Helton's.
We waited until we heard a heartbeat and the first ultrasound before we announced the news. The first people we shared it with was Silas on the way to Grandmom/Grandad's house where Jonas was staying for the weekend. Silas responded, "You have a baby in your tummy? You do? You do? Why isn't your tummy out to here?" He was overjoyed as was Grandmom/Grandad and Jonas when we shared the news with them over dinner.
As the 20 week ultrasound creeped up on us, I was anxious to know if you were a girl or boy. Part of me wanted to wait to be surprised on your birthday but the boys couldn't wait. That evening we went out to dinner at Old Chicago's and Jonas opened the envelope...he read "it's a boy!" Sometimes you don't know what you want until God picks them for you. I had no idea how another little boy would fill my heart with more love. And then I'm thankful that I don't get to make all my own choices because that would be kind of selfish and boring and I would never get to experience my secret wants--the ones only God knows.
A boy. My son.
After a late night of fireworks show in Clement Park on July 3rd and walking around the park for miles, I was beat and tired.
1:14am July 4th, I awoke with mild cramps. I reached over to Matt and told him, "I think he's coming today." We arranged for the boys to go to Ginger and Clif's and spend the day with them at a fourth of July parade and festival.
My water broke in the car and by the time we arrived, the nurses rushed me in the delivery room. They asked if I wanted an epidural and I deliberately said NO!I've been preparing for this moment during my whole pregnancy. I wanted to do this without drugs for the first time. I arrived at 8:00pm at 8cm. The next hour was intense but something big was about to happen--that the baby I've felt move for months is going to be placed in my arms. I remember holding Matt's hand so so tightly and him telling me I was a rock star and he loved me. He loved me so much that he didn't leave my side or let up on his grip(even though I'm sure it felt like I was breaking it), the way he looked at me and the tears of joy trickling down his face, he is my hero. That realization made me cry. I remember the pain. I remember my doula friend, Jessica Cumley and her kindness, her gentle instructions and feeling safe and comfortable with her by my side.
Once I said "I'm ready to push"...the room suddenly shifts as nurses and midwife prepare, I pushed the last time and I reached down and drew him to my chest. Skin to skin, we connected. He cried while I smiled. It was an euphoric moment! No more pain but beaming with smiles and kisses. And Matt and I fell in love.
Everything felt so incredibly calm in our new room. No other families were on our floor and the nurses limited their visits. Matt and I were relaxed, happy, and completely at peace that evening. The boys were on their way the next day. They showed up with Big Brother shirts on(given by Allison) and a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I wanted to squeeze them when they arrived but they were enamored by this little blessing and greeted him with smiles and soft touches to his face. I sat there calmly on my bed, watching them, marveling at the fact that it seemed so meant to be--like he'd always been here and they'd always loved him! Jonas and Silas named him that day--Lukas!
Sunday evening(the 6th), as we packed up and gathered our things, I wanted to remember this room. Took photos of Lukas in Matt's going-home outfit. And remembering all the wonderful nurses on staff. The place where Lukas experienced his life for the first time.
I have no doubt that if I didn't have children, I would have found happiness in other things but I wouldn't be the woman I am today if it wasn't for being a mother of three. I am completely in love with motherhood--so much that my identity is and forever will be wrapped up with this gift--being their mother. How grateful I feel right now to be given our third boy. And what a treasure he is!
